A place to get quick and simple answers to all your end of the world wedding planning needs.
I’m almost wrapping up all the bullshit one typically goes through when getting a wedding dress and now I’m going to write up a guide about it because, fucking shit, there was a lot no one, not even the best website guides out there, told me. So here’s a guide to the whole wedding dress process from start to finish. First thing you need to ask yourself:
One of the most fun parts of wedding planning is undoubtedly setting up a registry. What’s more fun than going through online stores and setting up a list of all the cool stuff you want, and there actually being a chance you’ll get it!?
Unfortunately one of the best parts of planning is also one of the most heavily steeped in etiquette rules. A few I’ve run into:
Since a lot of couples are now living together before they get married, the need for stuff to start a new house is dwindling with weddings. That’s why companies have started up honeymoon registries. These websites let you list your destination, pick out things you’d like to do, and let guests “purchase” these items for you. Sounds like a rather progressive move right? Well, no actually.
Here’s why honeymoon and other cash registries are bullshit!
I explained how they work, but the ones I’ve poked around have the same set up. Those activities you list as wanting to do are all vague and show up no matter where you list as honeymooning. The guests aren’t actually paying for you to have lunch at a cute restaurant by the hotel. They’re just paying a ballpark sum of money that goes into a pot, with a note that says “so and so wants you to enjoy eating lunch some place nice!”
The way the website makes it’s money is it takes a cut of the gift, either paid when the guest makes their purchase or a lump sum percentage of your whole gift amount.
Now imagine asking for cash wasn’t a taboo.
You say “we’re going to New York for our honeymoon, and if you want to give us a gift we’d appreciate money to help us have a fun time!” and then your guests send you cash and checks for whatever they’re comfortable with giving, and you get to keep the entire amount.
These companies exist solely so you can ask for money, without breaking the etiquette no-no of asking for money. It’s 2012. There is no longer a reason for any of these rules to exist.
My advice: set up a wedding website (mywedding.com is easy and free), adding a note at the bottom of your invite to visit it for more information (Never only list the site, always include a call to action!) Have a section for information on your registry needs, and have a polite paragraph about your needs.
Is it for your honeymoon? Are you buying a home soon and need to save for a down payment? Have a story about your goal followed by a polite request for monetary gifts if one would like to give a gift.
And don’t forget the thank you note! If a relative is offended at your brashness for requesting money, but gives it anyway, a long hand-written thank you note describing how much their gift helped and how grateful you are will quell those flames. And I do mean hand written.
I am not a bride. I am a cisgendered queer man. My partner is not a bride. He is a cisgendered gay man. There is a difference between “queer” and “gay” here, but that’s not my focus.
I am not a bride. I don’t want to know what dress whatever website or magazine will think is “hot” on me or whatever the “hottest” trend in whatever fashion for brides is because I am not a bride.
I’ve found the person I want to be with forever and it’s almost as if we don’t exist.
HOW COOL IS THIS?
(via cybersenshi)
I completely understand, and as I’m going to point out in an upcoming article, finding wedding planning resources that don’t focus on pretty white heteronormative couples is quite difficult.
But there are a couple fantastic resources, like offbeatbride. They strive to be inclusive of all couples, no matter who you are. They have some fantastic advice articles, as well as many many journals of real weddings, such as:
I included this article because there’s a super cool message here and it’s if you want to look fabulous on your wedding, do it, and wear exactly what you want. Not into white dresses? Nothing wrong with some gothic lolita or pirate costumes! This works really well when you have a theme like Hollywood or rock and roll, encourage your guests to come in costume and everything flows without question!
But seriously, check their tags and join their forums, best wedding community I’ve ever been in.
Another great resource is gayweddings.com. This site is important because it includes a local search for gay friendly vendors!
Wedding traditions, from the garter toss to the father escorting the bride, are very steeped in gender roles and when family expectations come into play the pressure can be daunting. There are some pretty neat ideas floating around the internet to redefine these traditions so everyone gets what they want without a feeling of pressure to conform to a gender role. Here’s a couple of my favorites:
But basically, I’m going to give the same bare bones advice I give to everyone:
IT’S YOUR WEDDING! IT’S YOUR PARTY! DON’T EVER FORGET IT’S A PARTY!
You should have fun and enjoy what you love best at it. If something makes you uncomfortable? Trash it. Forget stuffy etiquette, it’s 2012! Make your own traditions! And post it to offbeatbride so others can get inspired and follow your lead!
You certainly got yours faster than mine! It was incredibly convenient, wasn’t it? Glad you liked it!
Well, it finally came so I’m making good on my promise.
First things first, it did take a few weeks so definitely don’t rely on it if you have to order your rings asap. But can you really complain when you didn’t even pay shipping?
Quite simple: it came in a blister pack with a variety of sizes. A few times a day, a couple of days, size yourself for a comfortable fit. It’s important to do this multiple times to compensate for any changes your body naturally goes through in the day. If you’re not entirely sure between two sizes, err on the larger size. Better for it to be a tiny bit loose than to get stuck!
So we ordered our rings and I’ll do yet another follow-up post to tell ya’ll whether the size was correct.
Meanwhile, if you’re sold right there, here’s a link to order your own.
Let’s talk about adorable hair fascinators. Cool? Cool.
This standard peacock fascinator is from DARKandDIVINE and runs for $64.00
I am an absolute sucker for purple, and this elegant fascinator is from bellasbowtique2008 for $21.99
This adorable little bow clip is from BananaPickleDesigns and is only $7! Seriously, it’s so dang cute!
But maybe cute ain’t your thing and you’d prefer something more…dark? Ladycorn has got you covered for $8.00.
